CORPORATE ASTROLOGY

An idiomatic modernism, the term corporate astrology applies to what is more properly termed business astrology – literally an assessment of the nature, as well as the strengths and weaknesses, of a particular commercial entity (an incorporated entity, LLC, sole proprietorship, partnership, etc.), and a forecast for its future based upon a chart of the stars erected for that entity’s time of birth (the entity’s birth often (but not always) being the day and hour upon which it first opened its doors for business or its IPO).

The benefits of corporate astrology

U. S. Zodiac’s (USZ) astrologer, Robert W. Usher III, holds a life’s philosophy that is essentially Hellenistic, meaning that he does believe in fated events (predestination) and that fated events can be either positive or negative. However, he also believes that negative fated events can be ameliorated through foresight, or exacerbated due to being blindsided or by taking wrong action due to lack of insight. Likewise, Mr. Usher contends that the full potential within positive fated events can either be maximized with foresight, or that same full potential can slip through one’s fingers due to being blindsided by an opportunity, or by taking wrong action in the face of opportunity due to lack of insight. This branch of astrology is designed to provide an esoteric advantage to business owners and decision makers, with this advantage coming in the form of insight, foresight, and answers to the questions that still lie below the line of vision. Usher often poses the questions, “As a business owner or a decision maker, would it not be helpful to know in advance that the legal department, for example, is always going to be a weak link in the organization? Or that labor relations will normally be contentious or that employee theft will be an ongoing issue? Could you plan ahead if it were revealed in the stars that at some point in the future a key mid-level manager would likely be guilty of malfeasance? Or that during some specific period of time an act of industrial espionage was a possibility? Likewise, would it not increase both your own and your company’s effectiveness to have foresight on matters such as the most effective time to begin a marketing campaign, launch a new product line, expand, or file a legal suit on some crucial matter?”

Duh. Of course it would be helpful. This is astrology for those who want to win.

But be advised, things are done a little differently here at USZ, and this difference is reflected in the delivered product. A deceased contemporary, esteemed astrologer (and former Green Beret) Alan White, famously cited the great astrologer of antiquity Guido Bonatti when he paraphrased, “Astrology is designed to predict the future and reconstruct the past. That’s what it does, and it doesn’t do anything else. It’s not supposed to do anything else.” In Usher’s opinion, never has the purpose of astrology been more succinctly defined. Thus, in response to the trends of this current age wherein society seems largely concerned with everyone’s tender little feelings, and during which it appears that the majority of astrologers believe that a starry eyed fixation on the invisible world is prerequisite for this sort of work, Usher says, “gross,” and “yuk,” respectively. “Want to talk ESG and DEI? Please pass me by. If you look, you will find a large pool of astrologers willing to address issues such as feelings, spiritual matters, ESG, DEI, etc., and who will meet that task with great enthusiasm no less. Some of them are even competent in the art.” What Robert Usher is doing here is astrology for businesses and the businessmen and businesswomen by whom they are run. Plain and simple. And yes, he is aware that with his hard-boiled deportment and bare-knuckled astrological style, U. S. Zodiac’s services are not for everyone.

Each USZ report is based upon the business’s time of birth and is thus unique. These are not computer generated reports. Mr. Usher does not believe that many of his clients are interested in taking the time required to become astrologers so as to understand an astrology report, thus, every effort is made within these personalized reports to avoid using astrology-specific jargon. “I believe my clients are hiring me to interpret the stars on their behalf and deliver to them a report in layperson’s terms,” says Usher. It is inevitable that some clients will be disappointed by the brevity of U. S. Zodiac reports but Usher is of the opinion that most will instead find the reports to be simply lean and mean and devoid of New Age filler and fluff. “I believe my clients are mostly sophisticated men and women and keen to those who would attempt to impress them with smoke and mirrors,” he adds. “As I personally despise ambiguity I make every effort to speak in absolutes and to get to the point as quickly as possible with each interpretation. The bottom line is that these reports deliver in accord with the U. S. Zodiac motto, ‘insight, answers.'”

This in mind, prospective clients should be aware that USZ’s human resources-focused analyses also have a different tone. Want to know how a prospective employee is going to “feel” while employed by your firm? Hire another astrologer. Want to know if a prospective employee is likely to bring benefits to your organization versus his or her having a propensity towards theft or causing harm to, or scandal for, your firm? Mr. Usher can help with that. He believes that it is much more important for his clients to know if a prospective new-hire is going to possess a basic compatibility with their organization or if he or she is likely to f*** them over than it is for them to know if said individual goes home every day feeling warm and fuzzy. This is business, after all.

Services

ENTERPRISE CONSULTATION

General rather than comprehensive, the Enterprise Consultation can last up to one hour and begins with a Q & A session and a subsequent judgment on the quality of the birth information for the business. If the business birth information is determined to be of poor quality, then the consultation will conclude with a recommendation that no further action be taken. Conversely, if the business birth information proves to be accurate, then a brief horoscopic summary follows and includes a cursory overview of potential major events for the year ahead. The cost of the Enterprise Consultation is $278.

An initial inquiry using the form on the Contact page is prerequisite for consultation.

If the client decides to proceed forward and purchase the Enterprise Package, then the cost of the Enterprise Consultation is deducted from the price of the Enterpise Package.

Deliverables

Deliverables include a brief horoscopic written summary for the business, a cursory overview of the potential major events for the year ahead, and a recommendation for further action, sent by either USPS (hard copy) or email (pdf) or both.

Delivery dates for all services vary by current caseload and will be quoted at the time of initial inquiry.

ENTERPRISE PACKAGE

Prepared specifically for commercial entities, the Enterprise Package includes a business profile and analysis, an outlook for forthcoming major events spanning a 13 year period, and a 1-year exhaustive forecast. Also included is up to six analyses for any combination of current employees or prospective new-hires (dates of birth are required). The cost of the Enterprise Package is $3,475.

An initial inquiry using the form on the Contact page is prerequisite for consultation. It is also recommended that the Enterprise Consultation be purchased prior to the Enterprise Package, the cost of which is deducted from the purchase price of the Enterprise Package.

Deliverables

Deliverables include the following items sent by either USPS (hard copy) or email (pdf) or both:

1.) Report: Business Profile and Analysis
A detailed report on the core nature, strengths and weaknesses of the firm.

2.) Report: Business Outlook, 13-year Major Events
A detailed report of the major events likely to occur for a period of 13 years.

3.) Report: Business Forecast, 1-year Exhaustive
A highly detailed predictive report spanning a one year period (client chooses start date).

4.) Report: Employee / Prospective Employee Analysis
Detailed reports and recommendations on any combination of up to six current employees or prospective new hires.

The Enterprise Package includes a follow-up 1-hour consultation by phone or Zoom.

Subsequent 1-year Exhaustive Forecasts are priced at $900 each.

Additional Employee or Prospective New-hire analyses are priced at $110 each.

Delivery dates for all services vary by current caseload and will be quoted at the time of initial inquiry.